


all creatures great and small

by spinner_of_yarns



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drinking, Mentioned Warlock Dowling, Other, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner_of_yarns/pseuds/spinner_of_yarns
Summary: While employed at the Dowlings’, Aziraphale and Crowley drink and talk about (mostly) cute animal facts.Podfic included.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	all creatures great and small

[link to podfic on anchor](https://anchor.fm/ronnie-vlasaku/episodes/all-creatures-great-and-small-eesv4v)

  
  
“No.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you one bit, Crowley.” Aziraphale stomped his foot down (1), trying to punctuate his point.

(1) “Ow!”

“Sorry, dear.”

They were drinking at Brother Francis’s small cottage at the Dowling’s residence and Crowley was trying to tell Aziraphale about Warlock’s biology lesson. They had a system with his pre-school schooling. Crowley taught him science and art. Aziraphale taught him languages and literature. They split history based on topics. Neither of them was quite willing to breach the subject of math beyond the basics, much to young Warlock’s disappointment. His fondness of math alone was enough to confirm that he truly was the son of Satan, were there any doubts.

“‘s true! Why would I lie to you?”

“You’re a demon! ‘S what you do.”

“So you keep saying.” Crowley took another swig of the wine, trying to mask his hurt. Aziraphale followed suit.

“What’re we talking about again?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Snakes!”

“Oh, right,” Aziraphale nodded. “I just don’t believe a snake can devour its own heart.”

“Can too! And I would know! I’m the ssserpent of Eden.”

“And you eat your heart often?” Aziraphale raised his eyebrow, leaning forward and nearly falling out of his chair.

Crowley frowned. He ate his heart out quite a lot, where Aziraphale was concerned. “Whatever. Suit yourself. Don’t believe me.”

Aziraphale shrugged and poured himself another glass of wine. Crowley pouted. His tongue, forked at the end, was sticking out of his mouth a little. He was adorable and Aziraphale didn’t have the heart to ignore him.

“Very well. Go on. Tell me your next animal fact.”

“Thank you!” Crowley waved his hand, excited, spilling wine on that awful carpet. ”Rats are ticklish.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You could see for yourself, if you ever decide to meet Ruth and the others.”

“I’m not meeting your rat employees, Crowley.”

“They giggle, too,” Crowley added. They’ve been friends long enough. He knew what bait to use. “I could film it for you. If you like.”

“Well.” Aziraphale spared a moment to imagine Crowley with a rat on his lap, both lost in giggles. “I _would_ like to see that.”

“Thought you would.” Crowley finished off the bottle and got up to open another. “What else, what else. Oh!” He waved the bottle opener triumphantly. “Seahorses.”

Aziraphale scrunched his eyebrows. “There are horse in the sea?”

“Nnononono, ‘s a type of fish.”

“Rather confusing name, then,” Aziraphale muttered petulantly.

“Yeah. Well, they mate for life, right?”

“Like penguins!”

“Yeah, sure. And swans.” _And me_ , he thought.

“Penguins bring their mates pebbles, you know?”

“Do they?” Would Aziraphale like a pebble? Maybe Crowley could bring him one of those chocolates that look like rocks.

“Mmmh.”

“Well, I s’pose seahorses don’t really need rocks. But they hold their tails, like this.” Crowley twined his pinkies, attempting to mime tailholding and failing. “And explore the sea together.”

Aziraphale found himself staring at Crowley’s hands. “D’you think other creatures hold tails?”

Crowley scratched his chin. “Probably. Not snakes, though.”

“Well of course not. They _eat_ their tails.”

“So you believe snakes eat their tails, but you draw the line at hearts?”

“How would that even work?” Aziraphale asked, setting his glass down. “Do they cough up the heart first? Get surgery from the local snake surgeon (2) and get a chef to prepare it for them?”

(2) Or snurgeon.

Crowley shrugged. “Pretty sure they just shallow it. But that’s not important. You know what is important?”

“Getting the last word?” Aziraphale muttered.

“Otters!” Crowley hit the table. The fallen bottles knew better than to break. “They hold hands. Uh. Paws.”

“Like seahorses?”

“Yeah, kinda. When they sleep, you know. They hold paws so that they don’t drift away from each other.”

Aziraphale looked at Crowley inquisitively. He took his glasses off a bottle and a half earlier, so Aziraphale could see that he had tears in his eyes. They drank silently for a moment as Aziraphale contemplated it. “Would you like that?”

“Hmm?”

“To hold hands so that you don’t drift away.”

Crowley looked up, sharply. For a moment, Aziraphale thought he would sober up and leave, slamming the door behind himself. At the very least, he expected Crowley to deny any weakness. But all Crowley did was nod shyly, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Yeah, angel. I’d like that very much.”

Aziraphale smiled and grabbed Crowley’s hand. “There. Now we’re like otters.”

Crowley’s face did something strange, and incredibly undemonic. If Aziraphale didn’t know better, he’d say he looked downright dopey.

“Any other fascinating facts you and Warlock found?”

“No, I think that’s it. Wait, no, one more, one more. There’s a species of snakes that farts as an attack.”

Aziraphale looked at him. “If you fart at me, you old serpent,” he said. “I will kick you out.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was pretty much just an excuse for Crowley to cry over otters. I don’t know how legit the snakes eating their heart thing is, but I found it too hilarious not to use.  
> I couldn’t get the embedded podfic to work, so if anyone knows how to make that work, I’d be greatful for advice.  
> Edit: managed to embed it from spotify. Anyone know if you can embed it from Anchor?


End file.
